This is not my usual blog on mother-daughter relationships. Yet recently, I’ve noticed an increase in conversations, both in my counselling room and across social media, about women who are choosing to “date themselves”.
These women may or may not have a partner. They may be single by choice, recently divorced, widowed or navigating life after the loss of a loved one. Sometimes friends are busy with work, family or health issues. Sometimes no one is available at the time or place you want to go. And sometimes, quite simply, a woman looks at her life and decides she doesn’t want to wait anymore.
Increasingly, women are choosing to go out and live their lives – on their own terms.
What Does It Mean to “Date Yourself”?
Dating yourself doesn’t mean rejecting relationships or withdrawing from the world. It doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy company or connection. Rather, it’s about cultivating a respectful, curious and compassionate relationship with yourself.
Research into what psychologists call ‘positive solitude’ has found that time alone can bring feelings of peace, contentment, and relaxation. When alone, people can reflect, deal with pressures, enhance their emotional regulation, organise their thoughts, enjoy mental and behavioural freedom, and even feel connected to something larger than themselves.
It can look like:
- Going to a café, exhibition or concert on your own
- Joining a walking or hiking group where you don’t yet know anyone
- Booking a day spa or short getaway because it feels nourishing
- Sitting in a restaurant without distraction, simply enjoying the moment
For many women, especially those who have spent years prioritising others, this can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. We’ve often been socialised to believe that going alone signals loneliness or lack, rather than choice.
Dating yourself challenges that belief.
A Personal Note
I’ll share here that this isn’t just something I observe in others. At times, I also go out on my own – to a café, an art gallery, a walk along the beach. Not because I don’t have people in my life, and not because I don’t enjoy sharing experiences, but because there is something affirming about listening to my own rhythm.
When I do this, I notice how differently I move through the world. I linger longer. I notice more. I’m less focused on coordinating, accommodating or keeping pace. These moments don’t replace connection with others, but they deepen my connection with myself.
With Valentine’s Day Approaching
As Valentine’s Day approaches, this conversation often becomes louder. For some, it’s a celebration of romantic love. For others, it can highlight absence, grief or longing.
Perhaps this year it can be reframed.
Think of it as Galentine’s Day, a date with the gals (below are links to some events). Or a shared lunch, walk or movie with a friend. And if no one is available, consider it a date with yourself. A small but meaningful way of saying, “I don’t disappear just because I’m not partnered.”
https://www.eventbrite.com.au/cc/galentines-2026-4808488
https://pinotandpicasso.com.au/galentines-day/
https://www.eventcinemas.com.au/EventsFestivals/WutheringHeightsGalentinesDay
Love, after all, is not limited to romance.
Why This Is Showing Up More Now
I don’t believe this shift is accidental.
Many women, particularly in midlife and beyond, are questioning long-held narratives about worth, partnership and visibility. Life transitions such as children leaving home, relationship changes, divorce or bereavement can leave women with both more freedom and more silence.
In my work with mothers and adult daughters, I often see this moment mirrored across generations. Adult daughters may be building full, independent lives while mothers are renegotiating identity. Or daughters observe their mothers waiting, sometimes indefinitely, for the ‘right’ circumstances before allowing themselves enjoyment or adventure.
Choosing to date yourself is not about self-indulgence. It’s about self-presence, the ability to be attentive and kind towards your own experience, rather than trying to please others or always centring their needs.
The Emotional Landscape of Going Alone
For many women, the biggest hurdle isn’t logistics. It’s emotional. Walking into a café or event alone can trigger self-consciousness or anxiety. There can be an inner voice that asks, “What will people think?” or “Is this sad?”
What I hear repeatedly in counselling is that the fear is less about being alone and more about being seen alone.
And yet, once women move through that discomfort, something often shifts. Confidence grows. A sense of capability emerges. Instead of scanning for reassurance, attention turns inward – towards enjoyment, curiosity and contentment.
This is meaningful emotional work. It’s relational work, just directed inward.
How This Connects to Mother-Adult Daughter Relationships
Although this blog isn’t directly about mother-daughter dynamics, the implications are significant.
When a mother models autonomy, curiosity and enjoyment of her own company, it can be deeply freeing for her daughter. It sends a powerful message: You don’t have to wait for someone else to live fully.
At the same time, adult daughters who embrace solo experiences may encounter concern or misunderstanding from their mothers, especially if independence was discouraged in earlier generations. These moments can open important conversations about safety, ageing, freedom and self-trust.
Rather than seeing solo living as risky or lonely, we might begin to view it as a form of emotional maturity.
Community Still Matters
Dating yourself doesn’t mean doing everything alone forever. In fact, many women who begin going out solo find they connect more authentically with others.
Community groups can be a wonderful bridge, places where you don’t need to arrive with a companion to belong. Many women find connection through interest-based groups, walking and hiking collectives, community choirs, or faith communities such as churches, mosques or synagogues.
I thoroughly enjoyed attending adult ballet classes and getting to know other women in this group.
I’ll include links below to options such as Meetups, women’s outdoor groups, and other community groups. These spaces remind us that independence and community can coexist.
Dating Yourself Is Not Giving Up on Love
Choosing to go out on your own doesn’t mean you’ve stopped wanting companionship, intimacy or partnership, if those are things you desire. It simply means you’re no longer putting your life on hold.
Many women discover that when they stop waiting, they feel more grounded, more open, and more at ease in themselves. They are living from fullness rather than lack.
Whether partnered or single, learning to enjoy your own company strengthens all other relationships.
Reflective Exercise: Your Solo Date
To make this idea tangible, take a few minutes to explore it for yourself:
- Visualise Your Solo Experience
Close your eyes and imagine going out alone somewhere you’ve wanted to go – a café, an art gallery, a walk in nature or a spa. Picture yourself there. Notice how it feels to arrive alone. - Check In With Your Body
Scan your body from head to toe. Where do you notice tension or excitement? What sensations arise as you imagine this experience? Simply observe. - Write a Short Intention
On paper or in a journal, write one simple intention for a solo outing. For example, “I will allow myself to enjoy this experience at my own pace.” - Notice Your Thoughts
Write down any thoughts or fears that arise. Don’t judge them; just notice them. - Make a Commitment
Choose one action you can take this week to honour your intention, whether that’s a Galentine’s date, or a date with yourself. - Choose One Small Step and Set the Time
Look at your calendar and choose a specific day and time for your solo outing. Start with something manageable – even 30 minutes counts. Writing it down takes you from intention into action.
I want to be clear. Choosing yourself is not selfish. It is an act of care, courage and presence.
Ideas to Explore
- Meetup
Great for interest-based groups (walking, book clubs, art, coffee catch-ups). For those wanting to connect with others without needing to bring someone along.
- Sea Gals
Brings women together for sunrise ocean swims that support wellbeing, body positivity, and connection – with yourself, with others, and with nature.
- Women’s hiking / walking groups
Especially those focused on wellbeing rather than fitness or performance.
- National Parks Association
They run a variety of outdoor activities at various levels, making nature accessible whether you’re attending alone or looking to meet others who share your interests.
- Local art galleries or museums
Particularly those offering free entry or weekday programs.
- Day spas / wellbeing centres
Offering quiet spaces for intentional rest and restoration, particularly welcoming for solo visits.
- Local council events
Talks, exhibitions, guided walks, often very welcoming for solo attendees.
These are not about filling time but about creating opportunities to show up for your own life.
If any part of this blog resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Tap this link to reach out.
Image: Andrea Piacquadio, Pexels
Janice Williams is a Counsellor and the only Certified Mother-Daughter Coach in Australia and the South Pacific, specialising in Mother-Daughter Relationships.
Sessions are available across Australia and worldwide.